Amazing bday month full of cuddling, orgasms, connection, healing sexuality, women’s self care practices, challenges and the bloated goat :D (7-27 Oct)

Wow, October has been really awesome and challenging at the same time. Like Life in general as I might have figured by now? :D Couldn't wait for the Sun to go into my sign, Scorpio at end of October and November continues to be mind blowing with the season still going on… I get right into my favourite themes of last month: there will be raw sharing and unexpected fantastic turns along the way. 😀 Let's start by diving deep into...

Sexual Healing

Last month I received a super powerful (sexual) de-armouring session from the wonderful Kasia (on the picture). I met my sister in the Magic Garden and felt connected to her right away. During the session she made me feel so safe and comfortable, I could trust her completely as she guided me so gently thru the process. Breathing deeply into the body, she was pressing on points where I store tension and felt pain. Not to my surprise quite a few in the stomach and womb area. Our womb can carry fear and unprocessed emotions which needs to be released, so she can be the home of passion and creation like she is meant to be in the first place. As Kasia presses on the vaginal canal and the cervix the pain is intensified. Indeed I couldn’t help but notice during lovemaking that I have quite a lot of pain and tension in the cervix which is connected to the heart...

I'm breathing in deep and on the exhale I give sound to the pain to be released. I let out screams so full of deep pain that even I’m surprised and so are the neighbours I reckon 😅 Surely it’s a very powerful healing modality and session guided by Kasia. I feel a trauma cycle completing in the body and all the chakras opening afterwards, letting the energy flow freely. Wow once again, just wow. I cannot even move for two hours, allowing my body to integrate the emotional surgery.

Connected to this deep pain, however, I will share something really vulnerable further down in the section about the cacao ceremonies...

Womb connection and orgasms with the yoni eggs

Especially last month I'm connecting to my womb on more regular basis. She is definitely happy for the increased connection and continuous communication. She is asking me to rest and relax more, to stay true to myself and feel free to feel safe if I lived from her power. 💓My womb is such an beautiful being.

It's amazing to self pleasure while having the egg in the yoni: just elevates the pleasure and the healing to a next level. While breathing in and out through the mouth, as I approach climax I notice the blockages in my arms and chest, all connected to the heart space. So I become aware again of the pain related to some limiting core beliefs and the loving affirmations my human self would love to hear:

I am enough, I am worthy of love. I soften my heart to receive love without fear. I'm safe enough within myself to be vulnerable and let my guard down. Further on as my sister Michelle also reminds me with her questions: Do you believe that you deserve more beauty? Can you open yourself up to life to receive good? Indeed. What's the emotional glue keeping the negative core beliefs in place? What I have observed on myself and others too that it's pretty hard for us to ask for love and receive love. Something to practice, especially with soul family you feel safe with.

Feminine well-being is truly my passion

Whether in 1:1 session, small circle or big circle, self-care practices for women, connecting to the feminine essence, finding self-love through giving loving touch to the body are totally my themes. I find myself so much in doing and sharing these practices. What are these really? Practising and sharing how to do self-breast massage, yoni yoga, yoni egg exercises, womb work; tantric practices like feather like touch, bliss breath, microcosmic orbit and sensual dancing. Last but not least healing work helping to process emotions coming up around re-connecting with the body.

My mind could give so many different explanations on why I'm into these. Because I'm healing my own sexual trauma like so many of us in this human collective and healed permanently from endometriosis? Because I worked with tantra and sexuality in other lives? Because I'm a Scoprio with Sagittarius rising and Scorpio is all about sexuality, transformation and liberation? What really matters is that I observed my life and others' become so my more rich alive and loving thanks to these practices, so I truly have a passion for sharing them with others.

Even though I mostly work women and was born into the feminine perspective I receive so much healing co-created with the masculine energy. I absolutely do not support the pendulum swing to each extremes by blaming and playing out deep old karmic wounds. Instead, I also want to advocate supporting and accepting each other. Co-creating playfully, lovingly and seeing our humanness at our core. This is not to say though that I never fall into old patterns but I try to become aware of them as quickly as possible and consciously choose the more loving, integrative approach.

Small Sister Circle, Big Sister Circle

We had a small circle with some of my sisters closest to my heart and soul. Will share about this later regarding boundaries too, but due to all sorts of circumstances, events and energies I got incredibly tired by the time the date of our circle arrived. They are some of my closest soul sisters and feel like a safe haven to me. When I authentically shared with them how exhausted I was they met me so much understanding, compassion and support. My inner child was sitting there fully accepted, seen, heard and could just be. 💓

Sis Mayra is leading a mind-blowingly beautiful meditation and is asking us to get in touch with the emotion that bubbles up in us and give it a colour. I can only get in touch with my exhaustion and give it colour black. Mayra asks us to put in in our hearts. First up I feel the usual resistance, I don't feel like putting black in my heart.... but as Mayra says by loving it, it becomes you and it’s no longer anything but light. What is it teaching you and how is it helping you to grow?- she asks. It definitely teaches me to rest and prioritize what I put my energy into. She closes the meditation by saying that we are the dance of the darkness and the light. Surely I'm also here for integration and feel even more relief.

I'm guiding the women's self-love practices and it's such a joy to watch them, there's such incredible beauty and love co-created in these spaces where sisters come together. In safe, nurturing containers there is so much cleansing, healing and releasing that can happen with the feminine energies. It just feels so natural and beautiful what we experience there and somehow the words are just pouring out of my mouth: do you remember, how we used to live together in communities in nature, how we used to collect food together in the forest, bathe in the lake naked, bleed together during new moon?

We also have so much laughter and good times. Sharing awesome food, joking how the catholic church liked to burn us as witches again and again.😄 How we should be foraging and cooking mushrooms in forest topless, haha. We all have such beautiful paths to walk remembering who we are and what gifts we are here to give, how we can take care of ourselves and serve others.

Talking about how to find yourself in the service to others that got again a next level understanding for me in the women's sharing circle-cph sisterhood. No surprise, last month I led it by guiding the sisters through the women's wellness practices like sensual yoga, yoni yoga, tantric techniques, self-breast massage and womb breathwork meditation.

Before the circle took place in the evening doing the practices during the day helped me so much to come back home to myself again and again to find peace. It was so good to crack up to tears two times to let go of tension. Especially for water signs, regular emotional cleansing is so beneficial. By the time the evening came I was pretty calm and I got totally into my element as we started the circle. I was so grateful for the sisters' presence, vulnerable sharings, super funny moments, wisdom...I was super high vibe, could barely sleep at night and pulsated with so much energy next morning too.. another incredibly magical co-creation. Sometimes it makes me smile how I keep repeating myself but it just like this each time! 😁

Liya mood after the sisterhood circle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJLBAAJBajc

CUDDLING!!! Another passion of mine 😀

The first women’s circle of October led by awesome Jocy with the theme ‘reach out and touch me’ has set the tone for more beautiful touch to come during the whole month. I have shared so many times in so many ways how I find beautiful, safe, gentle human touch and intimacy incredibly healing and nurturing. It was beyond nourishing as well to end with the sisters in a cuddle puddle.

Another highlight of the month was the cuddle class led by fantastic soul mama Rosanna. A group of truly beautiful people gathered as she led us through exercises exploring boundaries, how to give and receive touch in a non-sexual, safe way from people prior unknown to us. The gathering ended with the 'grand finale' of cuddle puddle as Rosanna put it, and the whole evening was just incredible. Was so hard to go home, during the night we were still hanging out in the love bubble.

You know how kitties and puppies sleep together, snuggling; such a peaceful pile of fluff balls, their little bellies moving up and down as they are breathing. It was something similar in our human cuddle puddle. So much amazing connection and gentle touch, so peaceful and calming to lay close and caressing each other, hearing the breathing of the others. Super soothing for the nervous system too. I go home in the middle of the night so super blissed out and high on oxytocin (love&bonding hormone).

I have a cuddle partner whose embrace feels very soothing, safe and comfortable. I feel deep connection and my soul remembers. I can get easily burned out during the week. Running around, holding space for others, giving massages requires energy and I also have problems with getting enough sleep. The city life with so much input can feel draining. As I shared, sometimes I feel like checking into a sanatorium in the Alps where the only thing that happens is a bloated mountain goat passing by from time to time. Being a sensitive and empath can be a bit overwhelming sometimes, but being in my cuddle partner's presence helps me calm down from a hummingbird state into a turtle.

My body and my mind relaxes, slows down and I can sink into deep rest. A connection like this, so safe and so comforting is incredibly precious. I'm an absolute advocate of slow, gentle touch: for example when you caress just somebody's hand and arm for nearly an hour. In such a deep relaxed state of connection so much healing can happen too. The energy is flowing and suddenly I get reminded how beautifully 'autumn wind' sounds in my mother tongue: "őszi szél". That somehow takes me to a place within myself where something so deep heals I won't even try to put words on it.

So much gratitude, this type of connection is a blessing beyond words.

Cacao ceremonies with more cuddles, good byes and strong triggers

Beloved soul sisters SaiMaya, Caura and awesome friend Mango all left to South America the end of October so I went to their cacao ceremonies to hug them good bye. The 'Paint your soul deep healing cacao ceremony' led by the sisters brought again so much magic, heartfelt connections and lovely hugs to my life and so did Mango's good bye gathering too.

Here comes a raw sharing though as life is not all ponies and rainbows as we know it. When you drink ceremonial cacao it blasts your heart wide open and can very well bring up stuff in you that desires to be seen, heard and healed. Already in the cacao ceremony led by the sisters I had an experience where during a hug my hips got caressed by an otherwise really lovely man. That somehow didn't feel good, like my boundaries were crossed but for some reason I couldn't express it with my voice. Even though we all were in a very safe container with conscious people and he even asked me if all the touch received from him felt good...

I pretty much overdosed the cacao in Mango's gathering as usual and that led me to a very intense internal process the night right after the party. Before I left home we were all dancing ecstatically to some really cool music (Carbon based life forms;) and I felt so free, allowed myself to dance so liberated surrounded by some guys. At one point I was touched by one of them in a way that again didn't feel good, like boundaries crossed, but I had no voice to express it. In instances like this I start blaming myself right away: why did I have to dance so free? That must have looked really sexually liberated...Or if I allowed myself to dance this way why haven't I wrapped myself in a bubble of light to protect my energy? But honestly I by no means want to blame neither myself anymore, nor the masculine. These are the spaces where you can actually express safely to conscious men if you get triggered...

But I couldn't. In moments like that I get paralyzed, frozen with no voice whatsoever and I can tell you it's a really painful and powerless state to be in. 😢What I have experienced when I got unexpectedly touched with boundaries crossed before that as if an invisible hand covered my mouth right away and another invisible hand held my hands down: I froze into non-reaction... But once I'm back home alone in safety the aspect of me supressed in those moments starts raging. It cracks me up to tears even now as I write about this. It feels so incredibly painful and vulnerable but I don't know yet how else to give voice and power to this suppressed part other than starting to write not just to myself but even publicly about it. I promised mySelf to stay true to myself and at least write about it when I'm unable...

I would like to describe how this part of me looks, sounds and feels like as I witnessed her for hours during the night in my internal world. I find her actually incredibly beautiful, she looks in a way like a serpentine dragon woman, a seraphim being. She is in flames and breathes fire in the darkness of my inner world. It amazes me to watch her flying up and down, raging and screaming, wanting to rip everything apart and set everything on fire. I feel her pain of powerlessness so deeply, I'm unconditionally present with her, see her and hear her. I witness her beauty and suppressed power, her desire to be free. I feel a lot of compassion and understanding for her.

My body is so tired, my inner world is swirling like a giant vortex. I feel so much disgust, death and sickness in my stomach. Suppressed memories of my childhood surfacing and I'm staying unconditionally present with the darkness so it can become the light. Another time I had a chance to see her resting and at peace: a truly wonderful sight. It happened when I was with my cuddle partner whose presence feels so safe. My Black Moon Lilith (suppressed shadow feminine) is in Aries, teaching me how to stand up for myself, how to say no kindly but firmly. I'll try to give her voice and seek out more healing for her.

Boundaries, splits, pressure, unexpected magic and flow

A bit more on the challenges before I end with a high note. Certain splits and boundaries came up last month again for me to reflect on. As I also have triggers and go through healing, do I give myself enough time and space to rest and integrate besides holding space for others and give massages? Time to time I feel my body breaking down with chronic fatigue and my nervous system getting fried. I have a tendency to offer help right away without checking in with my body if I have the capacity actually. I'm asking this energy in me which overextends to look behind as it's dragging a half dead body behind it sometimes. Another thing when you book things well in advance and by the time you get there you might not even have the energy for it. Planning vs. flowing, I'm sure a common theme for many of us. Especially being a woman where the cycles, the moon, the energies really have an impact...

I really liked my sister Mayra's concern in the small gathering: did the world go nuts that these days you have to come to an event scheduled in your calendar to feel your emotions and process them? We are so disconnected from each other and from nature she says. Yes, sadly so, it seems that living a city life you gotta schedule "doing nothing", "doing yoga", " cuddling", "going out to nature". What I also find a bit annoying is how my mind always tries to pull me out from the present moment and reminds me constantly of what else I should be doing right there and then. Someone is sharing and I wanna hold focus but my mind is nagging me to pick up the dirty plates and clean them. Seriously?? Then when I'm cleaning, my mind constantly reminds how I should be writing now instead...Holy cows, do I need a break from my head sometimes.. No offence, the mind is a wonderful tool but can be such a pain in the ass too.😀💓 Priorities and choices having to be made in every moment...

I was hosting quite a few gatherings at home last month and some I was also leading. What's more important? Having the room clean, tidy; all food nicely cooked, everything 'perfectly' arranged by the time my guests arrive? Or focus more on the guiding part? Being there for my inner child who needs validation and attention just like my soul sisters feeling horrible and dropping out last minute before the gathering? You could say of course the relationship with the inner child and soul family is more important and I really witnessed miracles validating my inner child while feeling under pressure. However, I also want to validate the part of me who feels more relaxed to hold space while the circumstances have already been taken care of. Like Mary and Martha in the Jesus story I don't want to ditch Martha for wanting make sure food is ready and all the guests are taken care of. Let's integrate. It can be a bit overwhelming though when you are both hosting and leading at the same time.

And that's when Life will show you that if you let go, don't try to get everything perfectly right by yourself but allow yourself to co-create with others, then everything will fall so beautifully and smoothly into place. Like in the small circle where my sisters prepared all the awesome food and helped me so much with the clean-up. Or another example was the mastermind gathering I hosted last month at my place. I think my spirit guides pulled a prank on me by setting my watch back with an hour because it only happened once, that evening. When I got home from the park I was so convinced that I have one more hour to arrange everything perfectly but then the doorbell rang and the girls started arriving as I just got out of the shower. I freaked out as usual from unexpected stuff, got frozen, then melted and low and behold my sisters helped me like a whirlwind setting up the place, the food. Yo!

There was also so much unexpected magic happening when going with the flow: like getting all the wonderful sample Hazelmoon cakes from Ginta; finding a bunch of awesome feathers on a goose farm for the women's circle; seeing how butterfly sister Michelle found home with the other Butterfly Fairy Lellah Ecaterina in the Magic Garden; feeling so free and childlike in the awesome playfulness workshop led by sis Lianne and the best is yet to come...

A truly amazing birthday

Just like I shared I was really thankful for all the birthday greetings and indeed my entire being was wrapped in happiness, peace and love like all my lovely soul family wished for me. I also shared that each year as my birthday approaches a fair amount of anxiety is creeping up on me (not because of my age;) and I had to watch certain plans from a place of desperation fall through. It was hard to process that and at the same time it felt like Life was really asking me to let them go as some amazing unexpected experiences waiting for me which I could not have foreseen. And those were truly a gift, totally blew my mind and was still soaking in high vibes days after it. For exapmple I got to join think.dk's 3rd year anniversary celebration the day before my bday and I surely did not expect that special person holding the candle standing next to Anja with the cake in her hands. The cake I begged for in exchange for sessions, lol.

The night and the day of my birthday was literally orgasmically beautiful. 😀 My Sis Michelle asked me before she left to Mexico what my plans were for the coming months. What came out of my mouth was that "I think I'm gonna get myself a nice orgasm almost every day"...She cracked up to laughter and assured me it was a great plan. 😂 Gratitude to Life that either by myself with my lovely yoni eggs and using my (nostalgic) imagination, or thanks to a lover of many lifetimes or deep soul connections of many lifetimes the plan is working out nicely - to be continued. 😊 It feel so amazing to be so blissful and free, with the whole universe just swirling inside of me. I also had an amazing brunch with one of my long time best friends & husband and super cosy, lovely evening gathering with my wonderful soul sisters, too. So many blessings! 💗

And as a closing just gonna list here again how my lovely soul family greeted me on my birthday as it really makes my heart sing that they see me like this. Because this is how it feels like to be Liya: sweet(heart), shining smile, circus princess of life, starsistar, beautiful (soul), lovely one, soulsister, fairy dolhpin, moussie, big hug, mermaid, tree fairy princess, fantastic being, cosmic highlight, underworld scorpio goddess, alien angel, dear and darling..among others. And Liya is really me. 💗 In times like this it's so easy to be deeply grateful for my life. 💓